SMALL BOAT, WIDE SEA: PARENTING IN THE 21ST CENTURY

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A word from the author of Small Boat, Wide Sea. . .

The motivation for writing this book was my deep desire to come alongside today’s weary parents, to provide concrete and salient information regarding life’s most awesome privilege and responsibility, and to offer Biblically-based principles that translate into effective parenting practices.  If just one family, one parent, or one child benefits, I will consider the time and energy invested as well worthwhile.

~ Judy Ann Mumford, Ph.D.

A Word from readers of Small Boat, Wide Sea. . .

I read your book soon after I got a copy.  I thoroughly appreciated the honesty and “right-on” way you discussed parenting and child development.   I enjoyed it and have recommended it to others.

I have just finished your book and thoroughly enjoyed it!  I was especially impacted by the section on developing self-regulation/self-discipline in our children.  I was convicted that I must do a better job as a parent in this regard and have begun my plan today.

I’ve read several chapters and feel like you’ve been at my house, following me around. . .I really like the format and the “rate yourself” sections.  I do admit, even though I never want to, that my kids can be in charge and are parent deaf.  I’m praying for strength to improve.

I just finished reading your book and I cried at the end. . .I wish I’d had it earlier (when our little girl was one).  How reassuring it would have been.  There were parts that convicted me and others that left me standing tall.  Through it all what struck me most was the importance of having a plan for our children’s lives.

I love your warm and witty writing style.  I love your wisdom.  I have only one plea after reading this book. . .please, Dr. Mumford. . .write more!

From the introduction of Small Boat, Wide Sea. . .

What a seemingly overwhelming task to put pen to paper (figuratively, if not literally) and attempt to write a book on parenting!  Hundreds of books—some with catchy titles, some that zero in on the challenges of particular stages and phases, and others that present “formulas” for parenting success—are already in print.  Books on bonding, discipline, and self-esteem are but a click of the mouse or a drive to the local mall away.  An undertaking such as this

necessitates an honest appraisal of the task at hand and a humble evaluation of one’s credentials.  What, if anything, has been left unsaid?  Who, if anyone, is qualified to address such a difficult and critical topic?

Parenting, like any aspect of behavioral sciences, is as complex as human nature itself.  Just as a nightshirt’s claim of “one size fits all” is called into question by my size 2 petite frame, only the inexperienced or naïve would recommend a predetermined, formula-type approach to raising children.  No matter how sound parenting advice might appear on the surface, to be effective it must be fitted not only to  each family’s, but each child’s, unique characteristics and needs.

My own personal experience has absolutely convinced me that parenting is one of life’s greatest blessings.  I am equally certain that it is not for the weak of heart.  I will endeavor to present a balanced, realistic view of parenting’s challenges and rewards and some practical suggestions.  My desire is to motivate, support, and encourage you, rather than offer you a ready-made map, as you chart the course for your own family.  My prayer is that the suggestions in this book will elicit a desire in you to chart your own individualized and gratifying course through the wide sea of parenting.

My pledge to you, the reader, is to not trivialize the potential trauma of your 3-year-old giving herself a haircut or your 7-year-old routinely swapping his nutritional lunch for two candy bars and a baseball card.   I will validate your feelings and I will be honest about my own struggles as a parent.

Although this book is based on empirical research, with references listed in the bibliography, I am assuming that you are not interested in or impressed by jargon-laden, technical descriptions of complex theories of human development.  I will provide only enough explanation to lend credibility to the “bottom line”—the application to your parenting.  A further assumption is that you have limited time for reading much other than Dr. Seuss books and the instructions on children’s aspirin labels.  Therefore, I am committed to brevity.

Because adolescents themselves have taught me so much, excerpts of their stories are interspersed throughout the pages of this book.  As you read, you will see the names Tonya, Sara, George, Ali, Rebecca, Bob, Jack, Faith, Mike, Opie, Liz, Steve and Mindy (all pseudonyms), who engaged in potentially harmful behaviors  and subsequently spent a portion of their teen years in a residential treatment center.  They openly shared their stories so that others could

better understand why children sometimes choose to walk a path that results in pain for themselves and others.  I am deeply indebted to each of them.

My hope is that every parent who picks up this book will find some tip, insight, or suggestion that will be meaningful and useful.  But I am very much aware that a number of circumstances that greatly complicate parenting are not addressed.  I do not deal specifically with topics such as parenting children with special needs, single or step-parenting, raising children in poverty, or being part of a minority culture.  These matters have been left to others who are much better qualified than I to address them.

Finally, you will find a common thread throughout the pages of this book: references to the Bible and the importance of a connection with Someone greater than oneself.  This reflects my belief in a God who lovingly and wisely guides us through life’s waters, be they peaceful or troubled.